


They can't stop us all

by NighttimePhilosopher



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Crack, Gen, amethyst arrested for pissing in public, im sorry alp that joke had to go in, they are going on a date to area 51
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-25 08:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20721389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NighttimePhilosopher/pseuds/NighttimePhilosopher
Summary: Amethyst and Peridot go on a date to Area 51. Two-parter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i cant believe Amethyst got arrested for pissing in public

"_Holy smokes!_ They're finally bustin' open that nut, huh? Heh…nut. _Nice_."

“A nut?” Peridot pushed her face in front of Amethyst’s, intrusively trying to get a look at the phone screen. “What nut?”

Amethyst’s mindless scrolling through Steven’s boring social media (because she was too lazy to get her own) had rewarded her in the best possible way. Nudging Peridot back, she pressed the phone up against the synthetic plastic of her visor, forcing Peridot to cross her eyes. “The biggest nut there is, Peri: _Area 51_.”

_Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All Of Us_

Peridot snatched the phone to judge the _FaceJournal_ event for herself. The main sofa in the beach house had become a favoured spot for the two of them when they wanted some downtime outside of Amethyst’s room, and it was what she flopped down on to examine articles on Area 51, idly kicking Amethyst’s thigh with her feet. She hummed. “There’s speculation spanning over fifty years that UFOs and alien lifeforms are held in the secure military base there.”

“Exacto. And humanity finally got woke enough to storm it.”

“By this definition, it is possible alien lifeforms could include gems. Also, Steven informed me that it is no longer cool to say ‘woke’.”

“Steven watches _Barbie_ movies from like _2007_ when he’s sad. And I’m thinkin’ more the grey skin, massive eyes kinda alien. Like your guy with the bowtie!” Amethyst looked at Peridot, frowning. "Where did that alien plushie get to, anyways? Did it get all _kaplooey_ when Lapis…?" Amethyst let her explosion gestures do the rest of the talking.

Peridot remembered her own dull look of apathy reflected back at her through huge, gaping plastic eyes, watching as the alien plush floated lifelessly amongst junk in her and Lapis' aquarium. Days robbed it of its stuffing, weeks moulded the aqua-green fabric, months disintegrated it into something unrecognizable, save for those eyes, pleading and black and wishing, unable to release a single tear.

"I lost it." She said.

“That stinks.” Amethyst sympathized. “If we went to Area 51, we could get a new alien. One that brings snacks on command. And makes your bed so you can fuck it up again.”

Peridot perked up. “Or, one that obeys unconditionally! One that pays heed to all my _CPH _theories!”

“Dude!” Amethyst crawled up the short length of Peridot’s body, leaning close enough to fog up the nose of her visor with her every excited breath. “Those are two _very_ _different_ concepts but I like the way you think.”

Peridot’s face lit up. “Thank you!”

Amethyst dismounted her and the sofa. Then she grinned like she was about to do the best thing ever before her form changed to blinding purple light. "Get in, virgin," she said as she transformed into a 2005 Subaru Outback, ignoring Peridot’s protest that she was no such thing. "We're going on a date to Area 51," she revved, "and alien ass cheeks ain't the only thing I'm gonna clap."

Peridot hopped into her girlfriend with a blush that spanned her cheeks to her chest, slamming the passenger door shut behind her. She had to snicker at the situation until an annoying voice came from beyond the flywire of the beach house door. It was of course that guy Ronaldo.

"YOOOO!” He cheered from his place clinging to the flywire. “I heard your intricate conversation about Area 51! We are so alike.” He breathed against the string, fingers tearing it in some places. “Can I come?"

"No." Amethyst and Peridot answered at the same time. “We really need a better door.” Amethyst added.

And with that, the tires of Amethyst’s form screeched on the unprepared hardwood floor, racing them out the door even though Amethyst’s mass couldn’t conceivable get through the space (and Ronaldo) unharmed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> amethyst pissing

The desert smelled like its normal, dusty barren self when they eventually arrived via warp pad around 3am (Amethyst had gotten tired by the time they hit actual road) save for a nearly sickly sweet scent in the air. It was unmistakably the tooth-rotting musk of _Mountain Dew_, and the empty lime bottles littering the ground only proved it. They didn’t have to follow the trail far to find the gathering, which wasn’t as massive as the two million indicated on _FaceJournal_, but arguably not so small as to be a cop out either.

Amethyst spotted a fold-out table full of merch and ran to it instantly. Peridot followed closely behind, keeping within arm’s reach of Amethyst’s wild mane, shirking at the many curious eyes on her. She guessed she technically _was_ an alien to earth, even though she’d lived here for a little over two years.

“Dude, they’re giving out free t-shirts?!” Amethyst squealed, taking two smalls because they were small. They wriggled into the black shirts, finding the words ‘they can’t stop all of us’ in purple a comfortable match with the green alien logo.

“This appearance modifier fills me with feelings of pride and ingroup membership! Also, colour coordination!” She offered her hand to Amethyst and they high-fived like the bros they were.

A familiar, annoying voice came from the other side of the table, pulling them from their joy. “That’ll be thirty five thanks.”

“Ronaldo?!” Amethyst couldn’t believe her eyes. Peridot even hissed.

“Yes, it is I.” Ronaldo chuffed behind his glasses, which couldn’t even try to hide his smugness.

“How did you even get here?!”

“My means of travel are as classified as this place of mystery before us.” He said mysteriously, before divulging that Steven -- “since he was now awake” -- warped him after they ran him over. “Now, the thirty five, if you will. Alas, my blog doesn’t stay online through alien magic. _But I wish it did_.”

“How about we _don’t_.” Amethyst growled out, already very attached to the shirt on her chest.

Some guy came up to the table, head to toe in a green alien jumpsuit and reeking of nacho cheese. “Yo, let the aliens have the shirts!!” He yelled, slamming his palms down the table. Ronaldo conceded when at least fifty pairs of eyes were on him.

“Very well.” He said, tugging at the neck of his t-shirt. The dude gave Peridot a _Baja Blast Mountain Dew_ before returning to the agitating crowd. Through practiced routine, Peridot handed the nearly neon drink to Amethyst. Amethyst thanked her before chugging it in four ragged gulps, throwing it to the ground with a battle-ready scream.

“Let’s DO DIS.” She whooped, joining the ranks of the amassing crowd. Peridot held her hand to keep by her as everyone got rowdier and hyped. They found themselves nudged to the front despite their smaller sizes.

Amethyst turned to Peridot to squeeze her thin hand, the mob roaring behind them. “You ready to clap some cheeks bro?”

Peridot squeezed back. “I am always ready if its with you.”

Amethyst felt hot everywhere but couldn’t focus on it for long, as the Naruto runners started bursting out from the pack. Peridot tugged her and Amethyst realised she was joining them, screaming in just a pitch high enough that she could be heard over the baritone of the weebs surrounding them. Amethyst grinned and flung her free arm behind her, racing to run in step with her in the direction of the fenced military encampment. The single officer at the boom gate could be seen stumbling, raising his gun.

_The military has its ‘lethal force’_, Amethyst thought. But her and Peridot had each other -- and the hundreds of willing meatshields in front of them.

* * *

Both Amethyst and Peridot preferred not to be manhandled, in any scenario. But as they tried to make their ways back out of Area 51 with the masses, they found themselves in the predicament.

_“_I’m telling you guy, I’ve literally lived here five thousand years. Cooked underground for even longer. _Heck_, I was _made_ here!”

“_Actually_, her incubation period did not span nearly as long as her lifesp--”

“Shh!” Amethyst hissed, whirling her head to Peridot next to her. “We’re lying!”

Peridot flailed in the guard’s military grip, sighing as she gave up. “This did not go as expected.”

“_Nope_.” Amethyst popped the p, growling when the guard readjusted his grip on her. “Didn’t even catch a glimpse of any thicc aliens. And now they think we’re escapees and they’re gonna throw _us_ into Area 51.” She huffed, hair blowing away from her eye. “_Great_.”

“We weren’t even able to locate a small alien servant.” Peridot sulked. “With the large, rotund eyes.”

“Our lil’ greylien to do all our chores…” Peridot watched Amethyst’s head droop, lavender hair falling to cover her face. “to get our snacks…” A single tear fell. “Mission failed.” She sniffed.

“Who will love and obey me now?” Peridot lamented, copying Amethyst.

Amethyst perked up at that. “Okay but I can love unconditionally.” She flushed at her own words. “Not to be gay or anything.”

Peridot looked up with hope in her eyes, lower lip quivering. “And obey?”

Amethyst considered for a sec. “Yeah okay.”

“And I can procure for you unlimited snacks! And make our bed so we can trash it again!!”

Amethyst had a loving look in her eye. “Aww heck, my alien bro was with me the whole time…”

Peridot blushed under her visor, smiling like she did at the end of Too Far.

The guard holding them under his arms sniffed. “Romance isn’t dead after all.”

“Shit.” Amethyst grimaced suddenly, squirming. “I gotta take a leak real quick.”

The guard dropped them instantly in disgust. Peridot darted away while Amethyst took to squatting over the barren desert sand. Suddenly the police showed up, sirens blaring and everything. The remaining raiders fled at the sight of them.

Five cops and the guard pointed their assorted guns and tasers at her. “You’re under arrest.” They said, “For public urination!”

“Heeey!” Amethyst yelled while overtly pissing. “What goes in gotta come out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ronaldo, abandoned in the desert: hey, steven told me to tell you guys to warp me back when it was over. guys. guys? 
> 
> Yes I wrote this to the x files theme

**Author's Note:**

> part two is for tomorrow when im not tipsy


End file.
